Dance Team Patrick

Oh boy... I've been wanting to write about these ****ers for a long time now. Everyone has heard of Electronic Arts, the gaming super corporation that is attempting to underhandedly monopolize the next-generation gaming industry while making loads of money in the process and spamming the crap out of your television with hyped-up commercials; oh, and clogging your YouTube vids with annoying-ass advertisements.

But there's more to gripe about than their overwhelming presence. Indeed, they're not just the fat guy stepping on your toes in the movie theater while trying to push their way to a handicap seat, they're also the money-grubbing rip-off artist that sells you cheap renditions of your favorite products.

EA was awarded the Worst Company of the Year title two ****ing years in a row by the Consumerist for a number of reasons. I'd like to point out a few of those reasons in today's article. And why am I just now getting around to writing this? Because I was trying to play BF4 in the other room just a minute ago on my sleek new PS4, and I got the following the message:

Remember the good ol' days before EA took over the Command & Conquer franchise? When a smaller company called Westwood Studios owned the title? When the game was actually good and revolutionary to the RTS genre? Yeah, those were the golden days, and if those questions above didn't summarize what pretty much happened, then... you're an idiot.

EA's release of C&C 3 was met with an open-minded community of C&C gamers. For the most part, the first purely-EA title of the series was actually re-playable and worth the $50, as well as the Kane's Wrath expansion pack. So it was no surprise that everyone was excited to learn they were continuing the series with Command & Conquer 4... until we all witnessed the behind-the-scenes teaser videos the company released.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET RID OF BASE BUILDING AND STILL HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CALL IT COMMAND & CONQUER?!

Westwood had to have been rolling in their proverbial grave. Let's not forget that Bullfrong Entertainment and Pandemic Studios are buried right next to them. Those are two other past-times that the super giant has eaten and crapped out into what they have dared to call "games".

I shouldn't have to say much about this piece of ****. ISPs are constantly working backwards in this day and age, and quite frankly... we just don't have the internet power in the States right now to truly enjoy downloadable games to idea's full potential.

Oh, and anything with "Powered by EA" on it is just meant to steal your cash and **** you in the ass. As much as I dislike it, Steam is actually better than Origin, and they won't ban you from playing games that you have legally purchased just because you've been banned from community forums with their logo. Yes, Origin actually did that, though they came out later and said that banned users could now play their games in offline mode. Ooooh, that just tickles me.

No Flying ****s Given

“Are we really the “Worst Company in America?” Moore asks. “I’ll be the first to admit that we’ve made plenty of mistakes. These include server shut downs too early, games that didn’t meet expectations, missteps on new pricing models and most recently, severely fumbling the launch of SimCity. We owe gamers better performance than this.”

No, good sir, you owe gamers your immediate resignation. All of the above voices it loud and clear: you just flat-out suck.

And what have you done since then to redeem yourself, EA?

About Those Servers...

Did you notice that Moore mentioned something about shutting down servers too early? Yeah, that particular out-cry came about when they decided to rehash the servers hosting EA Sports' MMA before the end of the promised two years that they would be up. You see, every two years, the company shuts down and re-appropriates servers for old games in order to reduce overhead costs.

This is exactly why Battlefield 3 suddenly started offering users the ability to rent their own servers to host games. Yeah that's right, you either had to pay to play, or play at someone else's own personal expense. Not long after they allowed servers to be rented for quick cash, the official EA and Dice servers suddenly disappeared from shutdown or were hidden from the public.

Final Verdict

EA... Me, myself and I find you guilty of being the laughing stock of the video game industry. In the almighty words of "Notch", creator of Minecraft: